Not So Dense
by YumYums
Summary: Well, Mira, looks like you have to take a more direct approach to get the canon together.


This wasn't going to work. Somehow, somehow, they would escape, avoid or completely destroy her plans. It was infuriating. And that made her angry. Really angry.

But that wasn't even what made her livid. What made her absolutely, without a doubt livid was the fact that they were so damn happy. Just thinking about it made her want to kill someone. How could anyone be that far up the Denial River? I mean, come on! The signs are completely obvious here! The way her eyes light up? The way her cheeks obtain a coat of pink when he's around? Or maybe the fact that his smile seems to get brighter whenever she's around. Yes that pissed her off. It pissed her off so much that the two dense blocks of no romance ruined her plans. Plans for a brighter future. Plans for happiness. Plans for babies for Mavis' sake!

Her eyes narrowed dangerously at the two partners. She scoffed. Yeah right. "Partners." If anything they were way more than partners. But these two are just so dense it hurt her soul. Never in her entire life had she encountered such a stupid couple in denial. Her eyes flickered to somewhere else to see a raven haired man hugging a blue haired woman to his chest. Yes, even that frigging ice block got a woman. But these two. Oh! How she wanted to throw them into the freezer. Together. With a locked handle. Yes that would be amazing.

Now mind you. She was usually a very patient woman with a kind heart but after dealing with these two for the past few years, her patience has flew away with the wind. And not to mention how utterly helpless she felt every time the two defied her flawless plans. Well yeah, they weren't so flawless but it should have worked. It would work with anyone else but the two dense blocks of what she called Natsu and Lucy.

Who right now were sitting together, laughing together, and almost touching each other. She clutched the rag in her hand tightly as they laughed at a joke Natsu made. Then Lucy blushed brightly when Natsu's hand "accidentally" brushed against her arm. Natsu looked a bit worried and asked her a question to which she brushed off. She clenched her teeth.

"Oi Mira, what cha glaring at?" A slurred voice asked her. She turned her head to see the brunette hugging and chugging a barrel of alcohol to her curvy body. "Them," Mira seethed, pointing to the stupid dense blocks that was preventing her fantasies and babies. Babies, lots and lots of babies shall be made. "Oh those two? Give up Mira. They're too dense to know love if it slapped them in the face," the drunkard said, lifting the barrel to her lips. Mira narrowed her eyes at Cana. "I shall never give up. Not when those two," she pointed to the two friends,"are still alive. I will get them together!" Cana giggled at the angry white haired maiden. "Mira, your plans always fails. Remember Christmas?" Mira grimaced as she remembered how everything turned out wrong. All because of how utterly stupid the two were. "And Valentine's Day?" Cana burped then continued. "Or what about that time you set up the fake mission? Or that time you made Natsu-" "Okay okay! I admit that those plans didn't turn out the way I wanted them to but maybe I'm doing something wrong." Mira stared at the couple.

...

"Aha!" Mira suddenly cried, startling the brunette. "I got it!" She said, turning to her friend. "Obviously the plans wouldn't work! They're so dense they obviously wouldn't follow the plan! They have to be coached through the lessons of love!" Cana raised an eyebrow at the excited girl. "And how are you going to do that?"

"I'm going to have to do this the hard way. I have to confront them directly."

The two looked up, startled, as a hand slammed on to the wooden table. "Mira?" "Lucy, Natsu I have something to tell you," she said seriously. The blonde and the pinkette looked at each other then back to the Demon Takeover Mage. "What is it?" Lucy asked, leaning forward a bit.

"You two should get together," Mira said bluntly with a straight face. Mira waited for the statement to embed itself into their heads and when it did the both of them looked at her, one blushing and the other looking at her with a weird expression. "Nani? Get together? But we're already together!" Natsu said. Mira's jaw dropped to the floor. "WHAT? So you mean you two are already together and I spent hours upon hours trying to get you guys together?" Mira shouted, effectively gaining the guild's attention. "Yeah. Me and Luce are already together! We're partners duh! We'll always be together!" Natsu chirped. Lucy face palmed and Mira glared at Natsu.

"Natsu! Don't get my hopes up!" Mira yelled, slamming her fist on the table, making the two jump in shock. "B-but you asked me a question and I answered," he squeaked. Mira sighed then smiled at the two. "I meant that obviously you two stole each other's hearts." "M-Mira!" Lucy stuttered, her face bright red. However, before Lucy could say anything else, Natsu cut in with another stupid remark. "Why would she steal my heart? She has her own already. I mean, besides. I think I would feel of she ripped out my heart. I think it would seriously hurt," he said, looking at the bartender with a quizzical look. Mira looked to Lucy and Lucy was giving her partner, and soon boyfriend Mira thought, a are-you-shitting-me look.

"OK Natsu," Mira sighed, not knowing how much more she had to dumb the obvious down for the stupid Dragon Slayer. "That just means that I believe you two are each other's counter parts," she said, hoping that he would get it. Natsu tilted his head to the side. "Mira. We all have our own counterparts in Edolas, remember? I've seen my counterpart and he looks nothing like Lucy." Mira internally cried at the level of stupidity Natsu was displaying. And to make matters worse? Lucy was of no help, she was just sitting there watching Mira suffer. "No, no. OK. Breath," she said, calming herself. She opened her blue eyes again and looked at Natsu.

He was a Dragon Slayer. Maybe if she put it in dragon terms, then he'll get it. Hopefully. "Ok Natsu. I think that you and Lucy are mates." At this, Natsu grinned. "Well of course we're mates! We all are mates! You're my mate, Lisanna's my mate, Cana's my mate, Erza's my mate, and even Juvia's my mate! Duh! Are you feeling okay Mira? Maybe Lucy's weirdness is con...con...maybe it's affecting you." Mira glanced over to Lucy and Lucy's eyes flashed with hurt before being replaced by irritation and somewhat amusement. Then she turned back to the pinkette who was grinning and smiling as if his answer was the key to the mysteries of the universe. Yeah, he was...wait what? "NANI?! ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU...YOU HAVE A HAREM?!" Mira cried out, shuddering when she recalled that even her name had been mentioned.

"Ramen? Yeah I had ramen yesterday! Wow Mira, how'd you know that?" Natsu asked, looking at her in awe.

Mira and Lucy groaned.

"You know what, I'm leaving. Have fun you two," Lucy said, standing up. "NO! You are staying!" Mira yelled, glaring at Lucy who quickly placed her butt back on the bench. "Natsu," Mira hissed. "You are making things so hard for me! Why can't you just admit that you love Lucy and make babies with her?" She growled. "Mira! D-don't say that! This stupid idiot probably doesn't even know how to make babies," a red face Lucy said. "Make babies?" Natsu echoed dumbly. Lucy shot Mira a told-you-so look to which she responded with a glare. "Natsu, do you know how babies are made?" Mira questioned. Natsu looked thoughtful and seemed to run through the things he actually did know to see if he knew how to make babies. "Uh, I don't think so," he said slowly.

Mira groaned. "My NaLu babies!" She cried comically. "But I do know that I love Lucy!" He replied with a grin. "W-what? Love me? You mean like nakama love right?" She asked nervously. "I mean there is no way that you, Natsu Dragneel, would love me so yeah it's definitely nakama love right? After all you love everyone just the same and you're probably too stupid to know how to love someone romantically so it's for sure that it's nakama love and-" Natsu cut her off with a quick peck on the lips.

"W-what was that for?!" Lucy squeaked, moving a little further away from Natsu. "Geez Luce. And they call me slow." "Because you are." "I obviously love you so shut up will ya?" Natsu smiled. "So, you actually love me?" Lucy asked slowly. Natsu rolled his eyes then pulled her in by the waist. He lowered his head and smiled down at her. "Of course I love you, you weirdo."

"Oh by the way Mira, your matchmaking needs improvement," Natsu added nonchalantly.

And after that? The Demon Takeover Mage almost killed the poor Slayer.


End file.
